


The Adventures of Tasergirl and Hawkeye.

by PridefulSinner



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Clint Barton & Darcy Lewis Friendship, Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers (implied), Implied Relationships, TaserhawkBROTP, Wal-Mart Shenanigans., darcy and clint are bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-08
Updated: 2014-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-24 14:00:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2583905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PridefulSinner/pseuds/PridefulSinner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's really freakin' hot, so Darcy and Clint have a brilliant idea and end up at Wal-Mart late at night after deciding to buy air mattresses so they could sleep in the pool..  Shenanigans and Hilarity happens instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Adventures of Tasergirl and Hawkeye.

**Author's Note:**

> This was spurred on by a post-roleplay bought of boredom. Yeaaah. Enjoy?

It was late, not ridiculously late, but late non-the-less and Darcy was bored, so incredibly fucking bored and _hot._ It was like the AC in the entire tower was on the fritz or something and that was _not_ okay, because it was hot and she was tired and she couldn’t sleep because insomnia was the biggest bitch known to man. She could currently be found sprawled out on the couch in the media room, still dressed in the bathing suit and loose dress she had on earlier from the little impromptu pool party, while Clint sat off in one of the arm chairs to her side, she’s pretty sure he turned his hearing aids off to drown out her insistent whining while he played some game on his phone, from the sounds of it she guessed it was Angry Birds.

“Clint…” She whined, her head hanging partially off of the couch. “Barton! Ugh _asshole.”_ She huffed, picking up a nearby throw pillow and flinging it at him, tumbling off the couch in the process. “ow… fucker.”

“What the hell Darce?! I almost beat my high sco… why’re you on the floor?”

“Because you’re a jack ass that totally turned off your hearing aids and I was trying to get your attention. Clint. I am bored and it is fucking hot and I am two seconds away from going to sleep in the god damn pool.”

The archer just raised his brows, swinging his legs from the arm rest where they lay until they were planted firmly on the floor. “That does not sound like a good idea…. Unless you had a giant inflatable bed to sleep on, then it’d be awesome.”

Darcy pursed her lips, staring at him before a slow smile spread across her face. “Clint.”

“Darcy?”

“Let’s go buy air mattresses at Walmart.”

The slow grin spread across his face as he nodded his head rapidly. “Yes please!”

Darcy scrambled up off of the floor and dragged her fingers through her hair twisting it up off the nape of her neck into a ponytail and fixed her dress as she looked over at Clint. “You got transportation? Cause all I have access to is Steve’s bike and there is no way I’m touching his keys without permission.”

“Uh… I can get us some?”

Darcy just quirked a brow.

“I do have this skycycle thing… but it’s still a prototype… technically.”

“I do not want to _die,_ Clint.”

“You wanna sleep in a pool, this won’t be that bad.”

Darcy purses her lips again, putting her hands to her hips. “Can’t we just… borrow one of Tony’s cars?”

Clint raises his shoulders, rolling his lips as he considered the option. “Well, yeah. I mean, I guess. . . “

Rolling her eyes, she beckoned over her shoulder for Clint to follow her as she made her way towards the elevator, jabbing the manual button out of habit so that they would be taken to Tony’s lab. Upon arrival, the billionaire was, as predicted, sitting at one of the work benches hovered over some piece of scrap metal or another.

“Tonnyyyy….” Darcy cooed, as she entered the work space and made a beeline for the man, “Clint and I require access to one of your vehicles, if you don’t hand over a key we’ll just hot wire whatever one we want.”

It took the man a moment to process her words and when he looked up, Darcy was standing in front of him hand out stretched. “Uh….”

Darcy wiggled her fingers a bit, raising her brows in a silent demand. “Yeah, sure…” He gets up and moves to a key rack on one of the walls and plucks a ring from it and placed it in Darcy’s out stretched hand.

“Thanks boss man, see ya.”

“Yep, bring her back in one piece.”

Darcy grinned, handing the key over to Clint as she called over her shoulder. “No promises!”

The Duo made their way to the garage, pressing the unlock button and identical grins spread across their faces as they noticed the convertible that was theirs for the night.

“Sweet!” Clint grinned, making a bee-line for the car while Darcy side tracked and went to Steve’s bike, opening the saddle bag to retrieve a few of the things inside, stuffing a pair of sunglasses on her face, she shrugged into Steve’s leather jacket and strapped her purse across her shoulders before vaulting over the car door and sinking into the passenger’s seat with a smile, reaching to clip in the seat belt.

It wasn’t until she looked at Clint and realized he’d commandeered a pair of Tony’s sun glasses did she burst out into a giggle fit, squealing happily and throwing her hands in the air as he revved the engine and peeled out of the garage.

Darcy was almost content enough to just drive around the city in the convertible, the wind whipping the loose strands of her hair into her face and the classic rock oozing from the sound system as Clint navigated their way through the city and to the nearest Walmart, easily whipping the car into a parking space near the front before he threw it into park and put the top back up.

“Race you to the carts?” Darcy asked, looking over her shoulder at him with a grin as they unclipped their seat belts.

“You’re on, ready?”

“GO!” She laughed, stumbling out of the car and running as best she could in her flimsy flip flops to the entry way of the store where all the carts were in neat little row, one arm braces across her chest and the other holding her purse to her hip.

Of course, Clint beat her to the carts, but only because she nearly face planted in the middle of the parking lot when she tripped on a rock.

“Cheater!” She huffed, leaning against a shopping cart, nearly bent in half as she tried to catch her breath.

“Am not, I told you that you should take up training with Nat, but nooooo.”

Darcy just raised her middle finger at him and hopped onto the front of the cart, grasping the sides tightly. “On ward!"

Taking hold of the cart, Clint and Darcy both pointedly ignored the strange looks from a few of the other late night patrons as they entered the store. Neither paused nor showed any sign acknowledgement even when Darcy squeaked and managed to fall into the cart, she just shifted around and positioned herself so she was sitting Indian style in the bin.

He followed the path that lead towards the housewares where they spent several minutes looking over various bed types before grabbing two twin sized mattresses and a larger full-sized one and an air pump after Darcy had protested loudly and vehemently. “I am not blowing that shit up, are you crazy? Do you _want_ me to _die_? Do _you_ have that kind of lung capacity? Freak, get the air pump, the electric one too. The hand pumps kill your arms.” The last part is said with a flippant hand gesture as she maneuvers the items in the cart around her.

Although the pair managed to quickly find what they’d originally came to the store for, they couldn’t resist the temptation to further explore the wonders of Wal-Mart.

Darcy clung tightly to the sides, laughing as Clint ran down the aisles, jumping onto the foot bar as they zoomed through the isles, the pair reaching out as they flew by, tossing things into the cart. “We need this!”

“What is that?”

“I don’t know, but we need it!” Darcy insisted, as they went pass the toys. “Wait! Go back, go back!” She flailed, pointing behind them.

Clint hopped off of the cart, skidding it to a stop and turning back around, where he and Darcy then perused the many pool related toys. “We need an inflatable shark, Clint.” Darcy decides, pointing towards the box on the top shelf.

“Why do we need an inflatable shark?” He asks, hands on his hips as he looks up at the shelf, he’s a touch too short to reach it properly.

“Why wouldn’t we need an inflatable shark?” Darcy counters, watching with a grin as Clint looks either way before he climbs the shelf to get the box Darcy had indicated.

“Fair enough, but only if we get these, too.” He holds up LED light floaters, and Darcy just makes grabby hands at them, setting the shark and the floating LED disco balls around her inside the cart.

They make a pit stop in the clothing department where Darcy tumbles out of the shopping cart, skipping off to the ‘super-hero’ section while Clint wanders over towards the hats.

When she comes back, arms laden with Avenger-esque clothing that she dumps into the cart, she can’t help but laugh at the sight that greets her.

Clint is standing before a mirror a white t-shirt pulled on over top the tank top he’d been wearing earlier, on the shirt is a little French bulldog terrier with red hipster glasses and bowtie, a matching set of tinted frames were perched on the archer’s nose and a one of those ridiculous squid hats on his head. “What the hell are you wearing?!” She asks between gasps for air.

He turns, striking a pose and reaching up to pull the glasses down a bit on his nose, eyeing her over the frame. “I look amazing, don’t be a hater, Darcy.”

“No hate. Promise.” She assures him, leaning against the cart and looking around. “Where to next?”

She doesn’t even put up a fight when a multi-colored mohawked beanie is shoved onto her head and a pair of sunglasses with a mustache are forced into her hand. Instead she hooks her own sunglasses in the front of her dress and puts the shades on over her nose.

“We’ve got to head to the sporting good section.” Clint informs her, swapping out his red hipster glasses for zebra printed ones. “Then some snacks, I think.”

Darcy nods, and turns the cart in the direction of the sporting goods, laughing when Clint jumps on to the front. “I can’t see past your big head!”

“I’ll tell you directions, don’t worry. Go straight. Right! Okay, Left…. STOP. STOP.”

Darcy has to dig her heels in to the pull the cart to a stop, as Clint jumps off and jogs over to the pen of Bouncy balls, he stands there a moment, hand on his chin as he contemplates before plucking the largest fluorescent green ball from the confines and sets it into the cart. “Okay, now we can go.” He hops back onto the cart. “Straight…. Right… stop!”

Darcy isn’t surprised in the least when they’ve paused in front of a display of various archery equipment. “Why does a Wal-Mart in the middle of the city… need an archery section?”

“Because archery is amazing, Darcy. Clearly.”

She nods sagely, “Clearly, can you teach me?”

“Sure, we can get you your own bow!”

“Awesome!”

The excitement quickly dissipates after Clint stares at and tests out several different bows for the next fifteen minutes, breaking at least one in the process. Darcy eyes the selection of bows before her with a frown pulling on her lips as she looks over her shoulder at Clint who was _still_ eyeing them with a calculating frown. “Why can’t I just use one of yours?”

The look she got in return had Darcy rolling her eyes and huffing, crossing her arms beneath her chest as they looked over their choices yet again. “Fine, but we better be getting the purple one.”

Clint scoffed as he reached out, retrieving the simple purple recurve bow from the shelf and selected the accessories he deemed appropriate for it. “Please, as if we were getting anything _other_ than the purple one.”

He sets the bow and accessories into the cart before taking hold of the handle and steering it in the general direction of the snack isles.

They pause half way to the other side of the store. “How did we not notice these the first time?” Darcy asks, as she plucks a light saber off of the display and dresses the button, watching it illuminate blue, with a grin she raises a brow, obscured by the sunglasses she was still wearing. “I challenge thee!”

Clint takes hold of another light saber, his glowing red when he flicks the switch. “Prepare to die, girl.”

“Nevar!” Darcy shouts, lunging forward. The two dance around one another, lunging and laughing and twirling about as they “dueled.” Only pausing when Darcy manages to poke Clint in the stomach with her saber and he clutches his middle, falling over dramatically to his knees.

“The end is neaaar, I will get you! You’ve not seen the last of me!” He gasps out before collapsing on to the floor, limbs sprawled out and tongue lolling out of his mouth.

Darcy beams and powers down her saber, moving to return it to the shelf and yelps when she’s whacked in the ankle by a grinning Clint. “Haha, you only have one foot now.”

Rolling her eyes, she helps the archer from the floor and they return the light sabers to the shelf before they continue onward towards the snack foods.

Darcy doesn’t question when Clint throws spam into the cart, or the cheese whiz, she tosses a few packs of double stuffed Oreo’s into the cart, and puts a couple twelve packs of soda underneath and even tosses in paper plates and cups with cartoon versions of the team on them that little kids use for their birthday parties with a wide grin.

It’s not until they reach the freezer isle does Darcy pause, staring at the sight before her with raises brows. She reaches out, tapping Clint on the arm several times to get his attention.

“Am I seeing things?” She asks, turning her head to look at him. “Cause I’m not wearing my glasses, and it’s possible I may be seeing things, so is it just me, or is that Thor?” She gestured before them where a man stood contemplating on the type of ice cream to add to the strange assortment of pineapples and other miscellaneous junk in his cart.

The man was certainly built like their Demi-god friend, and it appeared he had the same long blonde hair, although it was hard to tell due to the Wolf scarf-hat on top of his head.

Clint squints a moment, and shrugs. “One way to tell for sure, Hey Thor?!”

The man’s head whips in their direction, his brow furrowing for a moment, before Darcy and Clint both remove their sunglasses and his face breaks out into a brilliant smile. “ Friend Barton! Lady Darcy! Isn’t the Mart of Wal’s most splendid?”

Darcy giggles, nodding her head as she replaces her sunglasses. “Sure is big guy… why exactly do you need so many pineapples though?” She asks as she peers in his cart, she wasn’t even going to question the box of… oh god, were those? Yes, super absorbent tampons. There were things she just didn’t want to know.

“Because they are most delicious!”

Both she and Clint nod in agreement. “True.”

“What is better the ice cream known as Rocky Road or… Cookies n’ Cream?” He asks, the furrow returning between his brows as he looks at the ice cream case again.

“I prefer Cookies.” Darcy offers with a shrug, “But if you like chocolate and Marshmallow’s than you should get Rocky Road.”

Thor thinks a moment, as Clint wanders off to look at the popsicles.

“But they both sound most delicious.”

“Then gets both, then you can have a little of each.”

Thor grins, opening the freezer and plucking a carton of each from the freezer and placing them into his cart. “Thank you, Tiny one. For the suggestion.”

Darcy nods, with a grin pretty much ignoring the nick name. “No problem.”

Clint returns with a box of red white and blue popsicles beneath his arm, and a case of poptarts in his hands, a bag of dry ice resting on top. He’s got a wide grin tugging on his lips.  

“Look, Darce! Capcicles!”

She groans, face palming.

The duo, now a trio make their way towards the cash registers and after a few moments wrestling Clint out of the hipster dog shirt, they begin to load the belt with their purchases.

It takes them nearly 20 minutes to get everything bagged and put into the carts, and Darcy pulls out her Stark employee credit card and pays for the lot of it with a cheery grin, she waves to the lady at the register and follows the superheroes outside.

They load the back of the convertible with their purchases and pile what won’t fit in the trunk into the back seat with Thor.

Clint starts up the car and puts the top down. They head back to the tower, belting out rock music at the top of their lungs.

 

The next morning, Steve finds the trio out on the pool deck. There’s thin wisps of smoke coming from the pool where Clint had put the dry ice in various areas. The mattress have all been blown up and are floating around in the water.

Darcy is sprawled out across the largest of the three mattresses, her lips tinted blue from the popsicles she’s eaten the night before, the silly sunglasses still on her face and the Mohawk of her hat flopped over from getting wet is barely on her head anymore.

There are Avengers plates and cups strewn about and he’s not entirely sure why there’s so many hollowed out pineapples laying around, some of them have straws stuck in them, others have what appears to be melted ice cream. He’s even less sure of the ones across the deck that have arrows pierced through them.

Thor and Clint are both on their own mattresses in the pool, but it appears Thor is using the giant inflatable shark as a foot rest and Clint is hugging a giant florescent bouncy ball to his chest as he snores softly in his sleep.

“J.A.R.V.I.S? What exactly happened last night?” He asks, addressing the AI as he watches the mattresses bump into each other but none of the occupants so much as move.

_“It appears that Ms. Lewis found the tower to hot last night, Captain. She and Mister Barton borrowed one of Sir’s cars and went to Wal-Mart, I am not entirely sure they came across Prince Thor. They returned quite late with many bags and retreated out to the deck where they proceeded to divulge in numerous sweets and fell asleep on the mattresses some time past four in the morning.”_

Steve just shook his head, lips quirking up into a small smile as he pulled his phone from his pocket and snapped a few photos. “Thank you, J.A.R.V.I.S.”

_“You’re Welcome, Captain.”_

Steve turned and headed back inside so he could make breakfast like he’d planned too before he’d noticed the patio door open.

He was washing up after eating when he heard a splash followed by a shouted curse. “THAT’S FUCKING COLD!” Which was then accompanied by two more splashes and shouted curses. Shaking his head, he just grinned.

“J.A.R.V.I.S if you could send that footage to my computer that would be great.”

He could’ve sworn there was amusement in the AI’s tone. _“Certainly Captain.”_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Clint's Shirt: http://t-shirtguru.com/product-images/happy-dog-t-shirt-society6-1.jpg
> 
> Hat: https://img0.etsystatic.com/000/0/5293814/il_fullxfull.227786318.jpg
> 
> Sunglasses: http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2011/310/f/3/zebra_print_wayfarers_by_migriq-d4f9o6v.jpg
> 
> Darcy's Hat: http://i01.i.aliimg.com/wsphoto/v0/2044236797_1/Rainbow-COLOR-multi-color-unisex-Knit-Wool-font-b-Mohawk-b-font-font-b-Beanie-b.jpg
> 
> Sunglasses: https://www.wallyspartyfactory.com/assets/Black-Sun-Staches-Sunglasses-with-Attached-Moustache.png
> 
> Thor's Hat: http://ep.yimg.com/ay/wackyplanetshop/wolf-animal-hat-with-scarf-and-mittens-combo-3.gif


End file.
